UNDERSTANDING THE WISDOM IN YOUR ANGER
Almost always anger arises when you feel you have been wronged, when there is an approaching danger, when something you value is being interfered with, blocked, or denied. To some degree, the intensity of your anger is present so that you could annihilate the threat, clear the hurdle, or push aside the obstacle that is in your way or coming toward you. Phrased another way, anger often arises when your needs, rights, or deepest wants are being threatened, violated, or ignored.
This in turn makes anger not a crazy emotion but rather an emotion that is trying
to stand up for you—an emotion that is trying to assert, protect,
or attain that which you both need and hold dear. […]
There also is a quiet statement of worth within such anger.
Anger that arises to protect is rooted in a notion that I am worthy of having my needs met,
my rights respected, and my desires deemed legitimate.
Recognizing that within the fury of your anger is a quiet statement
of your needs and worth can be liberating.
Rather than judging your anger as inappropriate, you can validate the genesis of your anger. Yes, it was wrong that I was mistreated;
yes, my inherent human needs ought to have been met;
no, it was not okay that my rights were denied; no, my wants should not have been manipulated, etc…. Claiming allegiance to the validity of your anger can free you from acting out your anger and can aid you in beginning to claim the fact of your worth.
By taking on this perspective, you shift your relationship with anger
—rather than connecting with anger’s urge to action or anger’s bodily feelings,
you now relate to its message of legitimacy and worth.
This shift, in turn, frees you to grow through your anger; because you have understood the message within the anger, the anger may not need to arise as often or as intensely.
I will be the first to recognize that transforming your relationship with anger is not an easy task, but I do encourage you to at least reflect on the possibility that there are grains of wisdom and truth within your fiery anger.
I also encourage you to reach out to a trained therapist so that you can receive all the support, guidance, and assistance you both deserve and might need in understanding, listening to, and healing through the anger related to your trauma(s).
As always, I encourage you to heal, to grow, and to claim your inherent right to lead a peaceful and meaningful life.
©Copyright 2012 by Susanne M. Dillmann, PsyD
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1-4. sea scapes via fukutomi tumblr